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Once upon a time, in the Land of Little Cubes And Tea, there lived a kawaii princess. She was so kawaii, in fact, that she could wear the last name EGGBUTT with pride!
Her collection of forenames was as vast as Dave Strider of lore's menagerie of sick hooks, but for posterity, today it should be known that she was KARKAT.
Karkat Eggbutt sat in her kawaii Christmas-themed chamber. She was positioned in front of her computer, and despite her endlessly amusing twitter feed she was bored to death! Recognizing her level of 8OREDOM she sought out her favorite gaming console, but she had left it in the castle's suspiciously red swimming pool! Suddenly, she became a dead.
As a dead, she was naturally a hedgehog.
This posed a multitude of problems.
She accepted the challenge of carrying out her daily life by scurrying about, searching for errant pizzas dropped on the hallway floors by her army of shota maids. After days of foraging, she discovered that she was not alone in her hedgehog incarnation, and began to realize that without her sating tentacles the maids had starved to death.
Renowned throughout the land as a BADASS REVOLUTIONARY, the hedgehog kawaii princess Karkat would not let her state lead to the downfall of her subjects. She commanded the maids as she had throughout their lives; instituting a language, a writing system, and ultimately a means of conveying her will to the creatures of LOLCAT.
Centuries passed; and the princess had delved into learning the arts of SCIENCE. She was convinced that there was some way to return to her life as a charming demon, and through many a year of trial and error, she came closer and closer to finding a means of revival.
One day she awoke from her slumber to a terrible cacophony and felt herself being lifted into the air. Before she could register the indignity of her situation, a giant pair of lips planted itself upon her prickly butt.
She stammered, in the most regal manner she could possibly gather;
TG: i shit from there
But it went unheard! As she was speaking to one whom she now realized was a human, a human who was looking more and more proportional as the room about them shrank. For the first time in a near millenia, she could glance over the top of her bedside Christmas tree!
"You're a demon again," The man she could now glance at behind her stated. He spoke in the most moronic, yet indescribably sexy voice ever to meet her ears. That shit was so kawaii.
After the glow from the fated buttkiss faded, however, it registered quickly in her mind that this event had caused her to STEP ON HER ENTIRE HEDGEHOG ROOM, including all of the SCIENCE it had contained. She couldn't save her shota maids, nor could she save the victims of the hoofbeast stampede of 1313.
She turned around, fully prepared to smite her witless smoocher straight in the still outstretched mouth, when she realized that he was none other than the fabled THRESH HUNK.
TG: my shades got you locked in
Princess Karkat declared, taking a majestic step back as a pair of crimson specs fell from the ceiling to greet her kawaii nose.
TG: spyin a guy whos eyed more cocks and dicks than i got clocks and they got ticks
Thresh Hunk's chest rose and fell sensually, his eyes drifting from the candy cane decals gracing the walls to the salvaged royal's brilliant choice in eyewear.
They made the hottest, sweetest love in the entire history of the multiverse.
He procured sixty garlandburns, she; a creative pattern of bites in the shape of Thresh Hunk's crest.
They wed in a matrimonial procession so glorious that all of the gods wept. All of them.
Their children boast the strength of a thousand mane beasts, and the wriggling power of nine million vats of mealworms. For some reason, this statement is traditionally followed with a smooth uttering of "wwinky face".
THE END
Her collection of forenames was as vast as Dave Strider of lore's menagerie of sick hooks, but for posterity, today it should be known that she was KARKAT.
Karkat Eggbutt sat in her kawaii Christmas-themed chamber. She was positioned in front of her computer, and despite her endlessly amusing twitter feed she was bored to death! Recognizing her level of 8OREDOM she sought out her favorite gaming console, but she had left it in the castle's suspiciously red swimming pool! Suddenly, she became a dead.
As a dead, she was naturally a hedgehog.
This posed a multitude of problems.
She accepted the challenge of carrying out her daily life by scurrying about, searching for errant pizzas dropped on the hallway floors by her army of shota maids. After days of foraging, she discovered that she was not alone in her hedgehog incarnation, and began to realize that without her sating tentacles the maids had starved to death.
Renowned throughout the land as a BADASS REVOLUTIONARY, the hedgehog kawaii princess Karkat would not let her state lead to the downfall of her subjects. She commanded the maids as she had throughout their lives; instituting a language, a writing system, and ultimately a means of conveying her will to the creatures of LOLCAT.
Centuries passed; and the princess had delved into learning the arts of SCIENCE. She was convinced that there was some way to return to her life as a charming demon, and through many a year of trial and error, she came closer and closer to finding a means of revival.
One day she awoke from her slumber to a terrible cacophony and felt herself being lifted into the air. Before she could register the indignity of her situation, a giant pair of lips planted itself upon her prickly butt.
She stammered, in the most regal manner she could possibly gather;
TG: i shit from there
But it went unheard! As she was speaking to one whom she now realized was a human, a human who was looking more and more proportional as the room about them shrank. For the first time in a near millenia, she could glance over the top of her bedside Christmas tree!
"You're a demon again," The man she could now glance at behind her stated. He spoke in the most moronic, yet indescribably sexy voice ever to meet her ears. That shit was so kawaii.
After the glow from the fated buttkiss faded, however, it registered quickly in her mind that this event had caused her to STEP ON HER ENTIRE HEDGEHOG ROOM, including all of the SCIENCE it had contained. She couldn't save her shota maids, nor could she save the victims of the hoofbeast stampede of 1313.
She turned around, fully prepared to smite her witless smoocher straight in the still outstretched mouth, when she realized that he was none other than the fabled THRESH HUNK.
TG: my shades got you locked in
Princess Karkat declared, taking a majestic step back as a pair of crimson specs fell from the ceiling to greet her kawaii nose.
TG: spyin a guy whos eyed more cocks and dicks than i got clocks and they got ticks
Thresh Hunk's chest rose and fell sensually, his eyes drifting from the candy cane decals gracing the walls to the salvaged royal's brilliant choice in eyewear.
They made the hottest, sweetest love in the entire history of the multiverse.
He procured sixty garlandburns, she; a creative pattern of bites in the shape of Thresh Hunk's crest.
They wed in a matrimonial procession so glorious that all of the gods wept. All of them.
Their children boast the strength of a thousand mane beasts, and the wriggling power of nine million vats of mealworms. For some reason, this statement is traditionally followed with a smooth uttering of "wwinky face".
THE END
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I SPENT A LITERAL TWO YEARS POSTING NO PROSE ON THE INTERNET SAVE FOR ONE SHIZAYA PWP THAT I FELT ODDLY INSPIRED TO DO
I WAS SO INSECURE ABOUT THIS YOU HAVE NO IDEA SO I AM DEEPLY GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT
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wwinky face
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givin the tentacles a good shinin
how admirable
actually pardon me they've always got that lustrous sheen haven't they
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but this will have me ROLLING IN MY GRAVE
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MARS YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A NATURAL KAWAII